Trusting my [16-year old] inner voice.

Trust your inner voice.

I’ve been making quick fire pieces of music, just for my own enjoyment. Often I record music, with lyrics that I need to process or hear for myself, and play it back, switch off all phones close my eyes and just listen.

I listen to me at 16 talking about boyfreinds and crime, me at 21 talking about peer pressure to take drugs, me at 25 singing about being too tired from work to sing, me at 29 singing about the pandemic and where life will take me. Now my songs are questions about being cared for, being loved, being alone, being around everyone, about failure vs success.

I have more than 1,300 songs recorded on my computers and hard drives.

All I’ve done + wanted to do this week is laze around. Is it the grey skies or the fact that its dark from 5pm now?

Do cats feel guilty about lazing around?

What the fuck does lazing around mean anyway?

When you dont work in a neurotypical way, sometimes it’s important to tap into your own rhythm of working. I see with a lot of artists that follow that rhythm also. a cycle of intense work - a frustration that bursts out, an urgency. then a hiatus. and i guiltily lean into that hiatus, sometimes i indulgently lean into it.

but i show up everyday. in a big or a small way.